I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
farters have to be the big spoon...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
