Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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