just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
