he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
