you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
