i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
