you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
