Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
