You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
