dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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