Your tits are I can't wait for
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
