This girl is more easily done than said...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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