Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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