we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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