Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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