I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
