she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
