put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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