Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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