i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
