You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think my moral compass just broke
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
