I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
