I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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