I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
