Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
