I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Every concussion has its silver lining
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
