i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize