Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
