Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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