LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
