The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
