just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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