at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
