As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
