Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
