just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
