so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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