Where is the hickey?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
