I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
