We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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