I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
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