he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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