I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
