Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
