I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
