problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
