Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
