That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
