Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
areolas are like halos for boobs.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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