i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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