tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
