you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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