I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
false alarm, still single
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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