my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
