he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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