I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
