your thong is hanging out like whoa
I want to make a zoo with you.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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