I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
