I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
