Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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