please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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