but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
