So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
we're so committed to being not committed
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
