Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
