Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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