I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize